How much does it take

For me to live happily

Every time I see you

My chest caves

My eyes tear

And my hands shake

I shouldn’t be allowed

To live any longer

I’ve been living

Life as a death

What is death compared to this

Hell is nothing

I’ve been there

Actually

I never came back

These slits upon my wrists

Are not there for décor

I didn’t do it for attention

Or as a sign of boredom

Look upon them as if

A plea for help

Im screaming

As loud as I can

Without making a sound

Will no one come

If not to save me

At least to grasp my hand

As I leave them alone

I can’t

It’s near impossible

For me to continue

When what I am

And what I feel

Are condemned

By your very words

Love?

That’s the relationship

I share with my razor

I’ve always hated blood

Terrified of what it means

When I see it

For my mind lingers too long

Doubting my heaven ascent

I don’t deserve

I am not worthy

For all I’ve done

The flames of hell

Welcome my body

With a loathing

Please

Will someone come

Before I have no last breath

To escape my hollow lungs

please

Whats your favorite color

You’ve seen the definitions

Your favorite color

Describes you

I disagree

Simple as that

Mines blue

If I had to choose one

That ‘describes’ me

Red

Not crimson

Or blood red

Red

Its as if my soul

Was open for passerby

Or left ajar as an example

On a discarded surgery table

When once

I sewed myself up tight

And refused to love

All my heart

Veins

And muscles

Contract when you get too near

My world was black and white

Closed to anybody

All the red stored inside me

As a vault of some precious substance

Now I know

I know how wrong I was

There is not only black

And white

What do you get when those are mixed

Look between what you see

Search for what is right

Not in your eyes

Not in anyone elses

But what is love and pure

In your heart

Eventually you shall see

What color are you

i once believed
i used to be free
to do
what i thought
to be true
i thought i could
fight
so i fought
for what was
honest and right
it made not a
single difference
for i was living
a life full of lies
and deceit
if i was free
why was it
i could no longer
fight for truth, honesty
and what was right
and why was it
i could not
run and hide
not only
from
lies and deceit
but from the one thing
i hated the most...
myself

Breathing Intoxications

Feelings i can't hold back
i tried to suppress
and manipulate
myself into thinking
this is the one
i was waiting for
my emotions were engraved
as a tombstone to my body
one thing lead to another
everything was going so well
and suddenly
just as i had set them forth
my emotions were thrust
into my arms
once outstretched
now cradled my fragile figure
what had endured
the lust and longing
now once again
lay in silence
and despair
it's for the best
you learn from
your mistakes
lust and infatuation
are not the same as
love
nor will they ever be
they're more the same
as intoxications
one wants them
in order to be happy
they from lust
to infatuation
like a quick breath
of fresh air

FREEDOM to CONFORM

i dont understand
how society can label people
and call them conformists
a single person
breaks away from
the norm
bearing their emotions
for the public to see
this trend is followed
not for popularity
but courage to challenge
the ways of society
supposedly
we have the right
the freedom
to be ourselves...
that is
we are forced
into mindless droids
focusing on career
wealth
and reputation
rather than family
and relationships...
when one challenges society
they set a liberating action
on track
hence it's tried by everybody
just to see if it works
or not
and we're called
conformists
true
we bare the freedom
to be ourselves
but in the
end
we are molded
to conform
bless the one
who dares
to
challenge